October 23, 2009

The Boy on a Blue Motorcycle

The cool wind was blowing and the night is getting deeper. It's already a half past ten in the evening and I'm still standing on the sidewalk waiting for a jeepney ( I live in the Philippines and this is our means for an inter-city public transportation ) to arrive. If only it would come sooner because my cellphone is blowing up with text messages from my dad urging me to go home. I had a gab session with my girl friends that I haven't seen in awhile that's why we talked for hours not realizing it's already late. I was growing impatient with the situation because the vehicles cruising on the street are getting thinner which makes my going home more delayed. I looked down the pavement trying to decide if I should wait for my ride or just call my dad to come and fetch me. But suddenly, my dilemma was cut off by the sound of screeching tires.


I scanned the surrounding, startled from what I heard. I saw a blue motorcycle in the middle of the intersection make a sharp turn and speed up to my direction then came to a halt in front of me. The driver hopped off and removed his helmet. I was stunned. I wasn't prepared for who I saw. All of his 5 foot 9 frame with his signature smile was standing in front of me. Is this for real? The ghost from my past is beaming a foot away from me. My first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first heartbreak! I haven't seen him for so long it felt like ages. His long hair is gone and so are his tattoos. But nevertheless, he's still capable of making my heart skip a beat. He said hi but I was too dumbfounded to respond. Honestly, he was the last person I expected to see in my short visit here in my hometown. Maybe it's true what they say, always expect the unexpected. When I finally snapped out of my shock, I said hello back to him. He laughed at me. I guess all of my reaction was too obvious. How embarrassing.



He asked why I'm still out when it's already late. I didn't have time to answer because he shoots me another question. He wondered where have I been and why I'm alone. If it is possible to be in a second shock, that's how I felt. After these years we've been apart without communication he still hasn't changed. Still the same conservative guy I fell in love with when I was a sophomore in college. My heart was floating with butterflies. I don't know if it's because of his presence or maybe because I was holding my breath. We chatted for a little while exchanging inquiries about each others' life. That's when I found out he had to return for work at a nearby town the next day. What a coincidence that I also had to travel the next day to another city because I moved there already. I just came home to visit my parents just like him visiting his too.



Seriously, what are the odds of us seeing each other in this quiet night and talking on the sidewalk. We were at the right place at the right time. We were reminded of what we once had before moving on to our newfound lives. It was like time warped us back to 2005. I was 17 and he was 21. We were young, careless and free. The world was ours to conquer. I believe, fate brought us back together once more.



Finally, my ride arrived and we have to say goodbye. But before the night ended I'm pretty sure an old flame was rekindled.


P.S. He asked for my number.


September 25, 2009

Always and Forever



It's been years since we last saw each other. It's been years since I last heard from you. But even in the long time of your absence my heart didn't stop beating for you.


I couldn't explain how much you mean to me. You were everything I ever wanted and more. You were my bestfriend, my brother, my boyfriend all in one. You understood me like no one ever had. You accepted me for who I am with all my quirks and weirdness. I fell in love with you deeper. I could talk to you for hours about everything and anything. I swear you are the only person in the whole world who knows how to make me smile even if I'm cussing with anger. Just being with you is so easy and effortless. It's always fun when we're together. Though I know not everything in our relationship were flowers and chocolates. We went through a lot of scrutiny by the people around us. They don't get it why I chose you. Because they don't see you the way I do. If only they could borrow my eyes then they would see the goodness in you. You know I fought for you. I fought really hard to save what we had. But I guess the world is too powerful for us. Our love isn't enough to make us survive.


You're long gone but still I can't forget you. I dated other guys but none of them can compare to what you made me feel. The feeling of security and contentment. The kind of feeling that no matter what happens we'll always have each other. I don't have with them the kind of connection we had. Where I just look at you without saying anything and you'd automatically know what I want. I'm not sure if I could find another guy who could make me forget you.


So I'm writing this to pour out what I've been hiding inside my heart - my love for you. Though you left me and it hurts too much to describe, I didn't stop loving you. I'm pretty much positive that we could never be together again. But maybe next lifetime we'll see each other again. And maybe, just maybe we will have a happy ending.



Here By Me

by: 3 Doors Down



I hope you’re doing fine out there without me

‘Cause I’m not doing so good without you

The things I thought you’d never know about me

Were the things I guess you always understood


So how could I have been so blind for all these years?

Guess I only see the truth through all this fear,

And living without you…


Everything I have in this world

And all that I’ll ever be

It could all fall down around me.

Just as long as I have you,

Right here by me.


I can’t take another day without you

‘Cause baby, I could never make it on my own

I’ve been waiting so long, just to hold you

And to be back in your arms where I belong


Sorry I can’t always find the words to say

But everything I’ve ever known gets swept away

Inside of your love…


Everything I have in this world

And all that I’ll ever be

It could all fall down around me.

Just as long as I have you,

Right here by me.


As the days grow long I see

That time is standing still for me

When you’re not here


Sorry I can’t always find the words to say

Everything I’ve ever known gets swept away

Inside of your love...


Everything I have in this world

And all that I’ll ever be

It could all fall down around me.

Just as long as I have you,

Right here by me.


Everything I have in this world

And all that I’ll ever be

It could all fall down around me.

Just as long as I have you,

Right here by me.

September 11, 2009

My Favorite Novel


My favorite novel of all time is The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks. I have read it at least five times already and everytime I do it never fails to make me cry. The story is about finding your one great love, letting go, hoping of meeting that person again, and when destiny gives you a second chance you have to learn how to fight for your happiness. It's tragic but triumphant as well. It made me believe in true love and everlasting love. It's a beautiful novel. A definite must-read for the hopeless romantic.

Here is in my opinion the most tear-jerker part of the book. This is a note given by Noah (the male lead character) to Allie (the female lead character) when they have to separate.



The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected. Maybe they always have been and always will be. Maybe we've lived a thousand lives before this one and in each of them we've found each other. And maybe each time, we've been forced apart for the same reasons. This means that this goodbye is both a goodbye for the past ten thousand years and a prelude to what will come.

When I look at you, I see your beauty and grace and know they have grown stronger with every life you have ever lived. And I know I have spent another life before this one searching for you. Not s
omeone like you, but you, for your soul and mine must always come together. And then, for a reason neither of us understands, we've been forced to say goodbye.

I would love to tell you that everything will work out for us, and I promise to do all I can to make sure it does. But if we never meet again and this is truly goodbye, I know we will see each other again in another life. We will find each other again, and maybe the stars will have changed, and we will only not love each other in that time, but for all the times we've had before.



September 10, 2009

deep



this is the most personal poem i have ever made. this really tells what was in my heart when i wrote it. here goes:






MY IMMORTAL



I've been hiding for so long


Avoiding the pain I feel


Slowly inching away from the world


Losing the grip of reality



I've had this for a long time


Until I've become numb


Can't feel the prick of hurt


Can't feel the pierce of rejection



Everyday I wake up lonely


Wearing my mask of deception


Outside I seem okay


But deep inside I'm fading away



Always behind my walls of security


I never go too far from it


Afraid that somebody would see


The girl beneath the face



Would somebody please help me


I would do anything to just feel better


Tell me what to do


Anything to take this pain away



I can't see through the haze around me


Please help me find light


The light of hope


And the chance of a new life



Take me back to the real world


Destroy my walls of fear


Pull away my mask of pretention


Heal my heart cut so deep



GIve me back my innocence


Soften my heart of stone


Hear my voice long gone


Show me love I'm abandoned from



Until then I'm still me


The girl struglling to be free


Free from this misery


Please help me


September 03, 2009

Go Team Jacob!!!

The Twilight Fever got everyone hooked right now. Even I myself is infected.
You see, I watched the movie first before I read the books and I thought the movie was okay because it had a different plot. The human-vampire love story is unique. But when I read the books I couldn't put it down. It was so addictive. The movie didn't do it justice. But the thing is, I was drawn to Jacob Black not Edward Cullen. I know everybody is crazy about Edward the vampire but his charm just didn't get to me. Jacob Black didn't have a huge role and he wasn't one of the lead characters in Twilight but I was curious about him. And when I read the second book of the saga which is New Moon I immediately fell in love with him. He is totally adorable. Though Edward has the sweet words and the swoon-worthy good looks but Jacob has the raw sexiness. He kinda has a temper and he cussed but that's what makes him hot. Not to mention he has beautiful russet skin and black satin hair which is a huge plus to his to-die-for toned body.
Anyway, to conclude my rambling I just wanted to tell everyone that Jacob Black is the best fictional character ever. Screw Edward and his fangs. Haha!


Here's a proof why werewolves are waaaaay hotter than vampires.



See what I mean. How could you not fall in love with that. (sigh!)

August 29, 2009

first cut is the deepest

no explanation needed. the title says it all.

THE STORY OF US
JayZee + xTin


We were so happy
We had everything and more
We were meant to be
We were in lo
ve to the core

Everyone thought we were the perfect couple
Everybody thought we would last
We had love that was true and simple
Our relationship was a blast

But the unexpected happened
We broke up
The fairytale ended
And everybody was in shock

How could something so good end?
How could it be over
Couldn't we find a predicament?
Couldn't we just be together?

It was such a bummer
That we had to separate
It was very bitter
Seeing us emancipate

Because of some things
We had no choice but to let go
Although we were hurting
We just have to say adieu

Maybe it was not the right time
Maybe it's not our destiny
Tears fell from our eyes
As we said our sweetest goodbye

Memories are our only souvenir
Of a place in time we once shared
I'm sure we really loved each other
And it will always be and forever




goodbye

here is another of my creations. i'm so proud of this because it got published in my school paper. it's about finally giving up and accepting the truth that my love will never be reciprocated.

GOODBYE

The storm is over
Just like my love for you
I don't need a lucky clover
For you to love me as I do

I know I have no hope
In your hear
t i can't enter
There's no use for me to cope
In your life that's full of glitter

You're a star
And I'm just a girl-behind-the-curtain
In your list loving me is so far
But for me lovin
g you is certain

It hurts me badly to lo
ve you
That's why I'm saying goodbye
It's hard for me to let go
But I just have to leave you behind

I am trying to move on
In my life without you
I have suffered
for so long
That I can't endure my feelings that's true

I'll try to forget your face
I'll try to forget your walk
I'll try to forge
t your scent
I'll try to forget the way you talk

I have to set you free
For you belong in someone's arms
I hope she'll treasure you like a key
I hope she'll give you
warmth

I have to forget you
But my love for you
will not die
Please remember this before I go
I will love you 'till the end of time



August 26, 2009

again, this is dedicated to francis.



HIM
He's the guy who made me feel pretty
He's also the guy who made me feel ugly

He's the guy who played with my hair
He's also the guy who made me feel bare

He's the guy whom I gave my heart

But in the end he's the reason why I broke apart


He's the guy I should forget

But until now loving him I can't regret


He's the first guy who entered in my life

But what he just did is ruin it with a knife

He's the guy who made me cry

He's the guy who kept me wondering why


This is the last poem I'm doing for this man

Because I'm so sick searching for a plan

A plan that would make him mine

But right this very moment I'm still out of his line


I should forget him but won't stop loving him

I should get over him but still love him

I should never stop in caring and loving him

Because I know I cannot forget him

my masterpiece

okay, so this isn't really masterpiece material. but hey i made this and i'm mighty proud of it. this is the first poem i ever wrote. it's dedicated to this guy named francis. he was my classmate in highschool and my world kinda revolved around him that time. i was totally smitten by his charm. so here it goes:


TRUE LOVE


I love you so much

That I can't let go

Even if you said that I have no guts

Even if i know that it's a low blow


I know I'm not your type

So I tried everything to be your kind

I tried to learn how to motorbike

But I'm still out of your mind


I tried to be cool and hip

I tried to be sexy and sassy

But I still always pout my lower lip

Because you still think I'm lazy


I'm not with my true self for so long

That I can't remember my song

But I learned a lesson though

That you can't change even for your one true love




Disclaimer: I made this in my freshmen year of highschool so please excuse my words or grammar.

August 25, 2009

inner demon

the hardest battle to fight is when your enemy is your own self. you know what is right but you just don't have the courage to follow it. it's like playing stupid but you can't fool yourself. you feel good for the moment but once the high subsides you hate yourself more. it's very addictive, so hard to quit. slowly digging your own pit of failures and you got nobody to blame but your own wrongdoings. your brain says something but your body does another. it feels awful to be in this situation. trust me, i know. i have been like this all my life. there always has two voices in my head. the angel and the devil. sadly, the latter always win. i certainly know what i should do but i just can't get myself to cooperate. very frustrating. maybe that's why i never accomplish anything major. i'm always good but never great. it sucks to be always average. plain jane, bland, neutral. i know what i want. i know how to get it. but i just can't do it. take for example my diet. i want to be skinny. i know i should watch what i'm eating but i just can't put down a box of chocolates. but after i empty it all out i feel awful and resentful. it drives me crazy! how can i defeat this inner demon within me? how can i win my war? how long will i be a slave of my alter ego? how much more can i survive this constant dilemma in my head? i'm tired of being a disappointment.

introducing: ME!

hello everyone! so this will be an introduction of who i am. before i start blogging about my life i might as well share with you basic info about me. my name is christine frances. i am a 22 year old filipina. i am born, raised and still living in the philippines. i am an only child. my parents were very protective of me up until i finished college. i have a bachelor's degree in accountancy. i am currently reviewing for the board exams. i want to become a certified public accountant. i moved out of my parents house since last year and trying to make it on my own though they are still supporting me financially. i attend review school 7 hours away from my hometown. that's really far. i don't have a job right now but after the exams even if i pass or not (but i really hope i will) i promise to find one. i don't have a boyfriend as of this moment. i choose to be single so there won't be any hindrance from reaching my dreams. i'm a papa's girl. don't get me wrong, i love my mom too but i'm just closer to my dad. i cannot live without music. writing poems is my outlet since i do not have a sibling to talk to. i'd rather wallow on my own than disturb my friends with my dramas. i will be posting some of my literary works here. i'm a shopaholic / chocoholic / OCD / kinda emo / kinda happy type of girl. i'm complicated yet simple on my own way. follow me in my journey from being a little girl to an independent woman. that's all for now. see ya la8r! xoxo, xtin