inner demon

the hardest battle to fight is when your enemy is your own self. you know what is right but you just don't have the courage to follow it. it's like playing stupid but you can't fool yourself. you feel good for the moment but once the high subsides you hate yourself more. it's very addictive, so hard to quit. slowly digging your own pit of failures and you got nobody to blame but your own wrongdoings. your brain says something but your body does another. it feels awful to be in this situation. trust me, i know. i have been like this all my life. there always has two voices in my head. the angel and the devil. sadly, the latter always win. i certainly know what i should do but i just can't get myself to cooperate. very frustrating. maybe that's why i never accomplish anything major. i'm always good but never great. it sucks to be always average. plain jane, bland, neutral. i know what i want. i know how to get it. but i just can't do it. take for example my diet. i want to be skinny. i know i should watch what i'm eating but i just can't put down a box of chocolates. but after i empty it all out i feel awful and resentful. it drives me crazy! how can i defeat this inner demon within me? how can i win my war? how long will i be a slave of my alter ego? how much more can i survive this constant dilemma in my head? i'm tired of being a disappointment.

introducing: ME!

hello everyone! so this will be an introduction of who i am. before i start blogging about my life i might as well share with you basic info about me. my name is christine frances. i am a 22 year old filipina. i am born, raised and still living in the philippines. i am an only child. my parents were very protective of me up until i finished college. i have a bachelor's degree in accountancy. i am currently reviewing for the board exams. i want to become a certified public accountant. i moved out of my parents house since last year and trying to make it on my own though they are still supporting me financially. i attend review school 7 hours away from my hometown. that's really far. i don't have a job right now but after the exams even if i pass or not (but i really hope i will) i promise to find one. i don't have a boyfriend as of this moment. i choose to be single so there won't be any hindrance from reaching my dreams. i'm a papa's girl. don't get me wrong, i love my mom too but i'm just closer to my dad. i cannot live without music. writing poems is my outlet since i do not have a sibling to talk to. i'd rather wallow on my own than disturb my friends with my dramas. i will be posting some of my literary works here. i'm a shopaholic / chocoholic / OCD / kinda emo / kinda happy type of girl. i'm complicated yet simple on my own way. follow me in my journey from being a little girl to an independent woman. that's all for now. see ya la8r! xoxo, xtin